Ask The Joker Anything
by Moonone
Summary: Here is YOUR chance to ask The Joker ANYTHING! Write a question in review, and then they will be answered in the next chapter when the story is updated publicly! All questions welcome. Joker will be in character, and it is Heath's version
1. Intro

Here is your chance to ask The Joker ANYTHING! **(Heath Ledger's version a thank you!)**

Here's how to do it. Ask a question in a review, and then they will be answered by our favorite Clown Prince Of Crime, when the story is updated. **(They will be answered publicly in the next chapter! and ALL of them will be answered. He won't skip yours!)**

Any and all questions are welcome! **(Including Fan Girl questions!)** So what are YOU waiting for? And I swear he will answer them all truthfully **(In character)** and will not harm you for stupid questions, but really there are **NO **stupid questions!

**So ask away!**


	2. Questions 1

**From: Beckoning Disater**

**-squee- Okay, okay. Let me think of the best questions I can...  
#1 -- I'm just gonna come out and say it: What's your sexuality? (C'mon, all of us fangirls really wanna know!)  
#2 -- How did Moonone get you to do this interview?? Seriously. I've been sending you letters for weeks!!  
#3 -- Will you come hang out with me for awhile?? Please?? I'll settle for an autograph!! Heck, I'll settle for anything!!  
#4 -- What would you consider to be your greatest achievement?**

**Until next time, or until I think of more questions!! :)**

_**The Joker: **_1. Straight darrrrrrling.

2. Well Moonone has a way with words, She told me if i do this i get a new knife for chrismas, and i need one, after that comissioner STOLE all mine. Honestly they say the citazens of Gotham are the criminals, but its really the cops! So what they arrest me, but stealing my knives? Thats cold even to a guy like me

3. _(shakes head back and forth causing sweat dropplets to hit Beckoning Disater In the face)_ There you have my sweat on you? Satifyied for now. If not, what would you want to do if we were to hang out _(wiggles eyebrows up and down suggestingly)_

4. Greastest Achievement hands down, would be corrupting Harvey Dent and letting Batman take the blame _(laughs)_ It was pure genius.

**From: Alys98**

**Hey,**

**Do you listen to music? If so, what are some of your favourite musicians?**

**_The Joker:_** Any music about the absolute wonders of Anarchy, I am all for_.(cackles evilishly)_But uuhhhhhhh- I do like musical show's music soundtracks. Ah the theator._(sighs)_

**From: Warriorsgirl664**

**Joker,**

**Are any of the scar stories you tell people true?**

**_The Joker:_** _(leans in close)_ Well to be honest uh....they seem true to me at the moment I tell them. But as soon as I tell them, they kind of loose their truth to me and I just forget about them and go onto another story. One of these days I might tell the true story, but I would have to kill you. _(grabs knife)_

**From: Koschei966**

**to the joker  
where do you find all your henchmen and how long do they last on average with you before they get killed or die from an accident?**

**_The Joker:_** Why you interested, because we have a spot open for someone to join our teaaaaam! They normally last, give or take week. But select few last two weeks. As to where do I find them? Well its not that hard to find scum willing to work for measly pay in our fine city of Gotham.

**From: Hitachiin90**

**Hey Joker!  
I would like to know:  
Do you have any graduations? I mean, you're just so an intelligent guy...!  
Oh, and by the way, would you mind to cut your name somewhere into my skin? Would be a cool autograph!*g***

**_The Joker:_** School is a waste of time. Government controlled areas filled with people and scum not even wanting to be there. All ya gotta do is read some books, and then finally go out and see things first hand. Hehehehe, sure thing _beauuuuutiful_, where do you little ole me want to sign?_ (laughs grabbing knife eyeing where to carve her skin)_

**From: ChennyMatrix**

**Seriously, dude...**

**When's the last time you showered?**

**_The Joker:_** I have no idea what you are talking about.

**_Moonone:_** _(pushes the Joker)_ JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!

**_The Joker:_ **Okay okay okay, just...uh...keep in mind its hard to find time to take a shower when you are an agent of choas...._(tugs on coller)_...having to be places and terroize all the time....Okay last year _happy?!_

**From: Yannina**

**Do you have a sexual life? With all that funny activities such as killing inocent people and playing with batsy, it must be unnecessary to have sex, because let's face it, sex is not as entertaining as batsy. Do you have any sort of sexual pleasure when you are playing with batman or do you need some extra girlish/boyish help?**

**_The Joker:_** Oh you know how to hit a guy hard with questions, well let me tell you deary. I do not role that way with batsy. He is like a sport to me. Hunting the batman! Doesn't that sound fun!_(cackles)_ Its what that dumb sport of football or baseball is to a man, well hunting the batman na dmessing with him is like football to me metiforically speaking. Sexual life? I get my ways with whores all the time. Of course once im through they have a carved face and a twisted mind. _(looks all innocent)_ but I just couldn't help it.

**From: Joker-is-sexy**

**Hi Joker!**

**Did you really think Rachel was beautiful? Cause come on...be real. Anyways must tell you i think you are very sexy! (giggles) Do you You hate my user name Joker-is-sexy?**

**_The Joker:_** _(slicks hair back)_ Why hello therebeauuuuutiful. I do just _ADORE_ your user name. More publicity for me, and a very true statement in itself _(holds head up proudly)_

As for Rachel? Harvey's squeeze that I threw out of that darn window. _(laughs thinking about it)_ and the one I killed _(laughs harder)._ Well I have been known to be a man of my word, but I will admit it. I lied about her being beautiful. I just didn't want to hurt her feelings. _(grins)_

**From: Laurenmlbc**

**What would you do if you accidently killed Batman?**

**Neat idea by the way!**

**_The Joker:_** _(gasps)_ If I accidently killed ole batsy?!.....I would be upset for about two seconds, because I would know the fun would end, but I would get over it and go blow up another hospital or maybe a nursing home. Explosives are just so much fun! I'd go to his funeral though! I'd write a heart felt speech!

"We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of some guy who decided when he grew up he would dress up as a bat! His parents might have needed to learn better parenting skills! Or teach him superheros are the men in, but they hardly are heros, because it took batsy to "save" Gotham! And now that he's dead you are all marked for dead....by me!....Oh come now why so serious everyone?"

And that would be my speech.** _(bows)_**

_**IMPORTANT Author's note:** Credit should be given where credit is earned and really we should all be thanking the author **"Joker-Is-Sexy"** She gave me this idea for doing this "ask the joker a question" story. She originally was going to do it, but told me she was too busy doing her story of **"Eye Candy" (which you all should check out cause its da BOMB!)** But she gave me permission to do this idea. I really think you all should thank her, because without her this would not be possiable. And i see she asked a question in here for Ha-Ha's alreadly. Hehehe. Well just wanna say, Thanks Joker-is-sexy and please....KEEP UPDATING YOUR STORY! IT ROCKS!_


	3. Questions 2

**CheenyMatrix:**

**Yes, I am QUITE happy, thank you.**

**xP**

**Don't worry, Joker. Inexplicably, I still think you're pretty smexy. Despite the lack of personal hygiene.**

**Also, are you doing this again? I have more questions.**

**1. What...is your name? (Real name, purlease)  
2. What...is your quest?  
3. What...is your favorite color?**

_The Joker: _1. My name is The Joker my sweets. My real name? Let me spell it out for you too. T-H-E Space J-O-K-E-R. .....Oh wait are you uh talking about my birth name? Well in that case I'd have to kill you if i told you **(grins)**

2. My quest? What is this a video game?

3. Purple and green toots. Purple and green.

**Dee-vee-uhs. bitch:**

**heey joker face =)  
just a couple things..  
first of all obama or mccain?.. jus wondering,  
what music r u intoo?  
ohh and how long does it take you to do ur makeup in the morning?  
it takes me an hour at least :P  
love ur face  
xoxo**

_The Joker: _Niether. Presidents are useless along with government. In fact i was thinking of running for president just to show the world how much of a joke Presidents really are.

Theatrical music.

My makeup can vary.....depends how dashing i want to look for the day. If i am in a rush, ten minutes. If im taking my grand ole sweet time, about twenty.** (rubs face)** And then i end up getting the black in my eyes. **(curses under breath)**

**Readyaimfire33:**

**alright, i have a couple questions for ya.**

**first, where the heck do you get all your explosives? or, at least, where do you get the materials? where would you suggest gettin' them?**

**second, do you have a favorite kind of blade? 'cause you use some warped version of a potato peeler sometimes yeah? so, obviously you have (or had *smirk*) a wide variety of blades; if you absolutely were only able to have one, what would you have?**

**k den, peace! *laugh***

_The Joker: _I have my sources...and i do not wish to discuss them at this time**...(coughs)** but you get them for a nice deal at uh the back alley way on 44th street....

Warped version of a potato peeler?! I am offended! (pouts) That happens to be a fine piece of artwork for a blade. And really i have to many favorites to count. Every blade is so unique and makes people squeel in different ways its too hard to choose.

**Alys98:**

**A couple of questions to answer if you continue with another chapter!**

**1. Do you drink alcohol? If so, what's your drink of choice?**

**2. Dream Date? (lmao)**

**3. Favourite sexual position?**

**4. Favourite food?**

**5. When your not terrorizing Gotham, what do you do for fun?**

***I'll post more if I think of any**

_The Joker:_ 1. I do not drink alcohol it is a waste of time and money. It gets you to a state of confusion and it blocks my thoughts of anarchy. Notice at the party when my lovely face was on screen i dumped the alchol out before drinking the glass. Can't have a drunk Joker running around Gotham..I might get pulled over for a DUI.

2. Dream date would be someone who is a good listener to my stories **(laughs)** and some beautiful would be nice too, but they might want to have a high pain tolerance. You know me, just see an uncarved face and i get all....ansty.

3. Doggie all the way.

4. Anything fast and cheap

5. Watch me terrorizing Gotham on the news, play cards, plot, you get the point

And please keep on asking. I do enjoy the company. **(smirks evilly hiding knife behind back)**

**Warriorsgirl664:**

**If your going to answer anymore questions, I have one more.**

**Joker,**

**How did you pick the colors for your wardrobe...becaues you look really...really...REALLY good with those colors on you.**

**Sorry for being a little shy. Your probably my favorite villian...ever.:)**

_The Joker: _**(looks down at his outfit)** why thank you babe, its good someone finally thought it looked good **(tugs on jacket and pops his coller) **Well i got the idea because i used to watch Barney as a kid and i reaaally loved his color choi-

_Moonone:_ **(knocks the Joker on the head with the back of her hand)** Stop making up stuff! this isn't a scar Story!

_The Joker: _**(growls)** okay okay jeez. I just thought purple was a good choice because it is a color rarely used in the commen outfit, and green? Well it just matched so perfectly. And come now don't be shy**..(grins)....**there is absolutly nothing to be scared of **(still** **has knife hiding behind his back)**

**4ofcups:**

**Inquiring minds want to know...**

**Have you ever been smacked/tied up/knocked around by a dominatrix?**

**I'll be passing through Gotham and could give you my card... if you're not afraid of strong women. ;)**

_The Joker: _Oh! A little fighting in a women...A little fiestyness. A little domination, well sweets i gotta be honest, i like to do the dominating. Let's meet up so i can turn the tables on you.** (rubs hands together)...**Hey wait...."give you my card"...trying to copy me eh? Handing out cards just like me? Honestly first i thought the copy-cat batmans were a joke, but slowly people starting to copy me?! ....(**pauses)...(says calmy)** yes i think you and I should indeed meet up** (thinks of plot to kill her)**

**Laurenmlbc:**

**Hahaha, that was quite hilarious, marvelous job! Let's see, I'm not sure if we're suppose to pose more questions but I will just in case:**

**How does it feel to have such a large fan-based in such a short matter of time? It seems the more evil and psychotic you get, the faster the screaming girls come lol.**

_The Joker: _Well i am most deffinatly not letting the fame come to my head

_Camera man:_ HEY JOKER OVER HERE LET ME GET A PICTURE!** (takes pictures of him)**

**_The Joker: _(strikes a pose).**..But it really does bring a fussy feeling to heart to know people understand me and my ways and support it. But i bet that once i start killing everyone the screaming girls will not be screaming for me, but at me and be running for their lives. **(pictures it in his head and grins) **...I think its time to terroize more then just Gotham City hahaha!

**Peachi padwan:**

**Joker...**

**What do you REALLY think of your army of adoring fangirls? Some of them are pretty full on!**

**Loving this concept, very entertaining! More soon please!**

**PP xx**

_The Joker: _Well my fangirls are quiet entertaining to watch drool over me, and funny to watch when they cower in fear from me when i decide to carve their faces. But really they are fine. UNLESS...they dress up like me. Leave that to me, only I can pull off this atire** (dusts off imaginary dust on his shoulders sexly)**

**Halfmoonglasses:**

**It s great! I love it!  
And I have a few questions myself^^  
Mr. J.:  
1 How will you break out of Arkham?  
2 Which was your worst nightmare?  
3 Which is your favourite movie?**

_The Joker: _1. Easy...use the front door. Those guards never pay attention or are on my side. (nods)

2. My worst nightmare is that ole Batman gives up. You don't know how BORING my life would be without him.

3. Movie? Movie....well honestly im not a movie person, sitting still for that long is much to hard for me, but uh.... i did enjoy An Orange Clockwork and Titanic

**(everyone in the world blinks. the world stops turning at his last statement)**

_The Joker:....._ What!? WHAT!? i liked it when Jack drowned i laughed the whole movie.** (hides in corner)**

**Masterreana:**

**I have to do it. I have to ask him this, I swear to God, it's been nagging at me forever and ever.**

**My friend and I were watching your activities around Gotham and thought, "Hey, his teeth are in pretty ad shape, what with him not having the time to attend to himself ver often."**

**So my question is this:**

**Has anyone ever outright told you that you needed a tic tac? Like, before dying? Were you offended?**

**Just getting it out there, padre.**

_The Joker: _My teeth? What's wrong with my teeth? **(looks in mirror) **no one has ever told me i need a tic tac! Are YOU telling me i need one? Cause if you are** (takes out knife)** wrong move! **(stalks slowly toward Masterreana)** And yes i am offended!

* * *

_Authors Note: I don't know if i made this clear but i am going to continue to do this for like ever. So you can ask questions whenever you get them in your head. Keep them coming guys! The Joker really wants to answer you. Well no he doesn't but i am forcing him! Watch out...he may snap at one point and kill you for your question! He has a little bit of what we call a "temper". haha._


End file.
